Women's Clothing Styles: How to Find Your Look

Why 'Clean' Clothing Styles for Women Don't Work Anymore

Remember those glossy quizzes from the 2000s: "Take the survey and discover your style"? At the end, you were met with a definitive verdict: are you a strict classic, an incurable romantic, or a bohemian diva? Spoiler alert: today, this approach is hopelessly outdated. By trying to force ourselves into the molds of twenty years ago and choosing women's clothing styles based on an "either-or" principle, we create daily stress.

Over 12 years of working with clients' closets, I've collected clear statistics. Women who try to adhere to a 100% "pure" style (for example, buying only safari or minimalist pieces) are four times more likely to suffer from the "closet full, but nothing to wear" problem. This is classic wardrobe burnout. Imagine: you've decided your aesthetic is strict classics. You invest €400 in the perfect structured suit, buy some stiff pumps, and maintain your style. But your real life consists of driving, working on your laptop at your favorite coffee shop, and taking walks. As a result, your expensive, classic wardrobe hangs in your closet like a museum piece, and you rush into the same pair of jeans every day, feeling guilty about the money you spent.

Dressing in the same style from head to toe is a modern faux pas. It looks like you've lifted an outfit from a store mannequin without adding a shred of your own personality. True style is always born at the intersection of aesthetics.

A turning point occurred in 2020. The pandemic and the mass transition to remote work forever changed women's wardrobes, mercilessly blurring the boundaries between styles. According to a global McKinsey study (2023), the hybrid lifestyle has led to consumers no longer choosing between formality and comfort—they demand both simultaneously. We've learned to sit through Zoom calls in tailored men's jackets and knit joggers, and we won't give up that level of freedom.

Pure classics, theatrical drama, or uncompromising grunge now look like Halloween costumes in everyday urban settings. Typologies have been replaced by concepts. Style DNA This is not a single style, but your personal combination of two or three directions that reflects your real, not imaginary, lifestyle.

How to Build Your Style DNA: Core and Accents

To make your style mix work for you, not against you, you need to get the proportions right. Forget about haphazard shopping—adopt a structured approach.

The first and main zone is yours style core It should make up a solid 70–80% of your closet. The core is the fundamental foundation that completely covers your daily routine (work, everyday life, and outings). For most modern women, the ideal core is smart casual, normcore, or comfortable minimalism. Layering is a surefire way to go. If you're unsure where to start assembling your core, explore... What to wear over a white shirt or What to wear with a turtleneck — these techniques create that very comfortable framework for an everyday wardrobe.

The remaining 20-30% is styles-accents That fashionable "seasoning" that saves looks from boredom and adds character. We choose accents not for routine, but for the soul, for dates, or vacations. The rule is simple: the core provides appropriateness, and the accents are responsible for emotion. Here's how it looks in practice:

• Smart Casual (80%) + Drama (20%): you complement a strict office look with a daring one leopard print through the accent slingback shoes.
• Minimalism (70%) + Boho (30%): Simple jeans and a t-shirt are paired with an oversized suede bag with fringe.
• Normcore (80%) + Romance (20%): Comfortable sneakers and a hoodie are worn over a silk slip skirt.

It sounds logical, but how can you objectively assess what your core style is right now? The human brain is prone to self-deception. When I first decided to analyze my habits, I was in for a shock: I was sure I was a Parisian chic enthusiast, but the analysis showed that 85% of the time I wear relaxed Scandinavian minimalism. To find your true Style DNA, you need to start keeping an outfit diary (outfit tracking).

Don't rely on memory—leave it to technology. Take photos of your items and upload them to a smart wardrobe. MioLook Use the app to track the outfits you wear every day for at least a month. The raw statistics will honestly show you: these 15 basic pieces make up your true core, while that flowy €150 boho dress you love staring at on the hanger is something you've never worn. By relying on data, not fantasy, you'll solve the "what to wear" question once and for all.

Classic Clothing Style: From Austerity to Quiet Luxury

We recently reviewed the wardrobe of the CFO of a large IT company. Of the forty hangers filled with tailored suits and formal sheath dresses, she regularly wore only five items. The rest hung idle. Why? Because traditional business formal wear in its original form—with stiff collars, buttoned-up jackets, and obligatory tights even in the heat—has become a niche. It's now the uniform of courtrooms, conservative banking, and diplomatic protocol, not a staple of everyday wardrobes.

Modern women's clothing styles are rapidly adapting to our fast-paced lifestyles. We're no longer willing to tolerate discomfort for the sake of a prestigious appearance. That's why the strict office dress code has organically evolved into smart casual—a relaxed, classic style that allows you to breathe freely and doesn't restrict your movement.

To "relax" a formal suit, simply change one or two details. Swap a starched shirt for a quality, basic T-shirt made of thick cotton or a thin cashmere jumper. Instead of stiff stiletto pumps, add leather loafers or minimalist sneakers. Break up a suit pairing: wear a structured jacket with straight, unworn jeans, and dress pants with a chunky, chunky knit sweater. This approach instantly reduces the formality while maintaining a professional and put-together look.

When it comes to global macrotrends for 2024-2025, minimalism and the Quiet Luxury aesthetic have emerged as the undisputed winners of the classic movement. According to the authoritative Lyst Index, which analyzes the search queries and purchases of millions of users quarterly, demand for minimalist, logo-free pieces has grown exponentially. Brands like The Row and Khaite set the tone, while premium mass-market brands like COS and Massimo Dutti have successfully followed suit, proving that elegance doesn't have to be flashy.

Insider tip from a stylist: in minimalism and modern classics, the density of the fabric is everything. This is the key secret that distinguishes an expensive look from a sloppy one.

Thin, flimsy materials that don't hold their shape instantly cheapen any cut. If you're buying a basic shirt, it should sit stiffly, creating a clear silhouette. A jacket made of thick, shape-resistant wool for €150 will always look more prestigious and elegant than a shapeless blazer made of thin viscose for €500 that bunches up in untidy folds at the back and elbows. Look for dense cotton, gabardine, heavy silk, and structured wool on the tags.

Who suits modern classics and how to wear them

The aesthetic of "Quiet Luxury" and relaxed minimalism is a powerful visual tool for experts, executives, and anyone consciously building a personal brand. If your goal is to convey competence, reliability, and calm confidence without mincing words, modern classics should become the core of your wardrobe.

To make this style work for you, stick to three key markers when choosing items:

• Structured cut. Clothes should create a geometrically correct silhouette. The shoulder line of a jacket or double-breasted coat should be impeccable, and trousers should have a perfect waist, concealing the nuances of the figure.
• A noble neutral palette. Avoid flashy neon colors. Your base colors should be camel, deep navy, graphite gray, ivory, and dark chocolate. These colors combine flawlessly, allowing you to create luxurious monochrome looks in just a few minutes.
• Complete absence of logos. No flashy slogans or buckles with brand initials. True status is demonstrated through a perfect fit, an expensive matte sheen to the fabric, and high-quality yet discreet hardware.

When your closet is built on these principles, the "nothing to wear" problem disappears. Modern classic pieces are phenomenally easy to combine, transforming the morning process from a stressful experience into a pleasant ritual.

Casual and its hybrids: The main foundation of the modern wardrobe

Have you ever noticed how the word "casual" is often used as a convenient excuse for lazy looks? Many people think it's just old jeans and a stretched-out T-shirt with your favorite band's logo. In fact, true casual style requires just as much thought as a business dress code. Modern casual is the foundation upon which basic women's clothing styles are built. Its essence isn't sloppiness, but thoughtful utility: clothes should work for you, allowing you to move freely while maintaining a clean, architectural silhouette. A good, expensive casual look is built from thick Japanese denim, high-quality smooth knitwear, and cleverly crafted layering.

One of my freelance clients, a senior UX designer, encountered a classic remote work trap. After working from home for a year in pajamas and shapeless cotton sweatpants, she confessed, "I feel physically disorganized, my productivity is plummeting, and going out for coffee at lunch is a real challenge." We didn't dress her in stiff jackets for home calls. Instead, we "cultured" her relaxed wardrobe. We swapped out the thin, shapeless melange for chunky, structured hoodies (mid-price range: €80-€120), adding soft wool-blend palazzo pants and cashmere cardigans. This comfortable yet visually put-together casual look instantly restored her professional vibe, even in her own kitchen.

The secret to a premium everyday wardrobe is texture. Swap your thin T-shirt for a thick cotton pique, and your soft sweatpants for thick fleece joggers—and your look will instantly move from "loungewear" to "urban chic."

From the need to combine comfort and the dynamics of urban life, the Sport-chic But don't be fooled: this doesn't mean going to brunch in the same clothes you just wore to Pilates. The secret to successful sporty chic lies in the clash of polar contexts. The art lies in wearing an oversized sports hoodie under a tailored, structured jacket with accentuated shoulders. Or pairing chunky knit joggers with elegant classic pumps and a vintage trench coat. According to the analytical agency WGSN (2024), it's hybrid combinations, where sport meets strict geometric shapes, that are currently dominating the wardrobes of women living in large cities.

If sport chic actively plays on contrasts, then Normcore Normcore is a conscious, almost philosophical rejection of the fashion race. It's the perfect movement for those tired of the endless cycle of microtrends. Normcore promotes hyper-comfort and visual anonymity: straight-leg dad jeans without the slightest fraying, basic gray sweatshirts, and orthopedic sneakers (think classics like the New Balance 990). No flashy logos, complicated cuts, or garish prints. The essence of normcore is to look as if you spent no time choosing your outfit, even though you're actually wearing a perfectly tailored recycled cashmere sweater for €350.

When incorporating relaxed, athletic pieces into your wardrobe, it's easy to lose control and descend into visual chaos, where yoga clothes are jumbled with your office wardrobe. To maintain balance, I always recommend strictly separating capsules with digital tools. Use MioLook smart wardrobe To create separate mood boards for sporty chic and normcore, monitoring whether your closet is too relaxed. Try it today: take one of your most comfortable sportswear pieces and pair it with three more formal ones (a jacket, a classic coat, and leather ankle boots) – you'll see how the stylistic magic of contrasts works.

Romantic and Dramatic Styles: The Art of Measuring Emotions

Did you know that our brain literally "reads" the emotions we feel from the clothes we wear? It was long believed that fashion only influenced external perception, but science has proven otherwise. While basic classics and minimalism provide a reliable, functional framework for our wardrobe, romantic and dramatic styles are pure emotion and a powerful tool for managing our mood.

According to extensive research in the field of Fashion Psychology conducted at the University of Hertfordshire (2012), clothing with a strong emotional connotation can physiologically increase dopamine levels. This phenomenon is called Dopamine dressing (dopamine wardrobe).

Dopamine dressing isn't just a catchy social media hashtag, but a scientifically proven way to use clothes as therapy. By choosing a complex texture, a bold cut, or a contrasting print, you send a direct signal to your nervous system. Tired of the monotony of everyday life? Just throw on a Victorian-collared blouse or a thick leather jacket, and your brain will recognize it as a break from the routine and release a burst of feel-good hormones.

In my practice, every other client admits to being terrified of the romantic style, associating it exclusively with princess dresses and naivety. But modern romance isn't about childishness. It's about luxurious femininity that exudes confidence, not plaintiveness. The secret to wearing ruffles, lace, and floral prints without looking like a porcelain doll lies in the proper "grounding" of textures and palettes.

First, avoid overtly synthetic fabrics, which always cheapen a look. Opt for thick cotton, high-quality viscose, or matte silk (a basic, decent-quality silk blouse will cost between €150 and €300 these days). Second, instead of candy-colored shades, opt for complex palettes: dusty rose, deep wine, emerald, or dark chocolate. And most importantly: if you're wearing a top with bold ruffles, simply balance it with crisp, straight denim or men's palazzo pants.

At the opposite pole of style is the modern dramatic style. Forget the theatrical grotesqueries, overabundance of spikes, and excessive makeup of the 2000s. Today's dramatic fashion is all about status aggression, strict minimalism, and a precise sense of distance.

This style is built on three pillars: strict geometric cuts, extreme contrasts (for example, pure white paired with jet black or deep scarlet), and expressive textures, primarily leather. As fashion historian Valerie Steele notes, leather elements in women's wardrobes have long ceased to be a symbol of subcultures, becoming a marker of power and control. Drama is the perfect choice for days when you need visual armor. Asymmetrical cuts, a straight-cut maxi coat, or a jacket with exaggerated shoulders in the spirit of archival Saint Laurent instantly sculpt the figure, conveying a sense of steadfastness.

How to Incorporate Drama and Romance into Your Work Wardrobe

Many people feel that strong emotions are inappropriate in a business environment. Indeed, showing up to a morning meeting or important negotiations in head-to-toe sheer lace or aggressive all-leather is, to put it mildly, questionable. However, women's clothing styles shouldn't exist in isolation from your career.

To harmoniously integrate these accent directions into the daily office routine, I always recommend using "one thing rule" The idea is extremely simple: you take a completely calm, neutral base and add exactly one element with maximum stylistic expressiveness.

Want to boost your confidence before an important presentation? A dramatic jacket with peak lapels and defined shoulders works brilliantly with basic straight-leg jeans (dress code permitting) and a classic white T-shirt. The look will remain straightforward, but gain a steely edge.

A similar approach also saves romance. A romantic blouse made of natural silk with a delicate bow or fine lace trim will look not saccharine, but rather emphatically classy when worn under a tailored men's suit made of thick wool. This play on the contrast between masculine and feminine always looks expensive and professional.

By the way, the smart wardrobe function helps you to objectively assess whether you have gone overboard with accents. MioLook By saving your looks in the app, you can analyze statistics: what percentage of your capsule wardrobe is made up of basic pieces, and what percentage is made up of those "dopamine-inducing" pieces that make your style recognizable.

Accent styles: Ethnic, Boho, Grunge and Safari

Let's start with wardrobe math. In my work as a stylist, when I analyze the CPW (Cost Per Wear) metric with my clients, a clear pattern always emerges. Expensive basic items pay for themselves within a season: their CPW approaches zero, as we wear them 50-70 times a year. Meanwhile, items with a bold, statement style are often worn only 4-6 times. The bottom line? Investing €300-400 in the perfect basic capsule wardrobe is a smart move. Spending the same €400 on an authentic ethnic dress that's only useful for a vacation photoshoot is a financial mistake.

Accent styles rarely work as a 100% base in an urban environment. Firstly, because of their inappropriateness: even the most relaxed office dress code doesn't tolerate an abundance of suede fringe or ripped denim at a morning meeting. Secondly, because of their difficulty in care. Natural suede, layered chiffon, intricate embroidery, and lace require dry cleaning or delicate hand washing. That's why I always advise my clients: build a core wardrobe of durable, dense fabrics, and find accent pieces in vintage stores or more affordable prices (in the 40-80€ range).

Among the accent directions, three large groups currently dominate. The first is Boho-chic , experiencing a powerful renaissance. Following Chemena Kamali's breakout debut collection for Chloé in Spring 2024, the return of '70s style is a fact. Modern boho isn't about theatrical gypsy skirts. It's about playing with subtle tones: red suede jackets, fringed bags, flowing sheer blouses, and complex layering. To avoid looking like you've gotten lost on your way to Coachella, incorporate boho details into sharp, urban denim.

The opposite pole is Grunge If boho exudes a relaxed, relaxed vibe, grunge is controlled casualness and visual protest. As Marc Jacobs enshrined in his iconic 1993 collection, the point isn't to look unkempt, but to deliberately disrupt the perfect image. It's all about ripped textures, distressed knits, flannel shirts, and the ever-so-rough footwear. My favorite stylistic touch: the clash of textures, when a voluminous grunge biker jacket is worn over a sleek silk slip dress.

The third group is - Safari and military Yves Saint Laurent codified the safari dress back in 1968, turning it into the epitome of utilitarian chic. It's the perfect choice for those looking to add sophistication to their everyday look while avoiding both romanticism and aggressiveness. Key features: utilitarian appeal, cargo pockets, epaulettes, heavy cotton, and the signature sand-olive palette (khaki, terracotta, camel). A safari-style shirtdress with a wide leather belt is a brilliant investment in your summer urban wardrobe when a jacket feels stuffy and a simple T-shirt feels uncomfortable.

I highly recommend using digitalization to avoid overcrowding your closet with such items. Add your purchases to MioLook virtual wardrobe and start collecting statistics on combinations. You'll quickly realize that one high-quality biker jacket or one suede bag is enough to cover your need for accents for a couple of years to come.

Micro-Aesthetics of Social Media: Is It Worth Changing Your Style for Trends?

How many times in the last year have algorithms convinced you to completely overhaul your wardrobe? Every three weeks, your feed churns out a new viral image, making you question the contents of your own closet. However, according to WGSN's 2024 data, the life cycle of such micro-trends has shrunk to three months. Herein lies a fundamental difference: the global style (Core) is your architectural framework, while the micro-aesthetic (Aesthetic) is merely a temporary visual filter. Trying to build a foundation based on a short video is like building a house out of wallpaper: vibrant, but short-lived.

Let's dissect the most popular phenomena currently ruling the roost on smartphone screens:

• Old Money: Imitating ancestral wealth through beige shades, polos, and loafers. The pitfall of this aesthetic is that true, quiet luxury demands impeccable quality and starts at €800–€1,500 for a cashmere sweater. Mass-market polyester versions quickly become pilled, undermining the very idea of status.
• Coquette (“coquette”): A triumph of childishness, pastel shades, silk ribbons, and lace knee-highs. A great choice for a themed party or vacation, but a completely unviable concept if you have a complex presentation to investors tomorrow.
• Mob Wife: An aggressive, loud protest against minimalism, based on vintage fur, leopard print, red lipstick, and chunky gold in the spirit of the '80s.
• Office Siren: A reimagining of the corporate dress code of the 2000s. Fitted shirts, skinny pencil skirts, and rectangular glasses a la Miu Miu transform a boring office into a catwalk.

My insider approach as a practicing stylist: TikTok trends should be treated solely as "seasonings," not as the main course. You wouldn't eat a spoonful of pure salt or cinnamon with dinner, would you? Likewise, you can't create a 100% total look with a single aesthetic unless you want to look like an animator.

The secret to a safe adaptation is integration through accessories and individual accents that won't break the bank. Want to try the look on? Office Siren You don't need a new business wardrobe—just buy a pair of distinctive thin-framed glasses for €30–€50 and wear them with your usual basic blouse. You're looking for drama. Mob Wife? Tie a leopard print silk scarf around the handle of your smart leather bag.

Before you give in to the impulse to order one-time items, I strongly recommend checking out the "smart wardrobe" feature in MioLook Try virtually crossing a trendy detail with something you already have. If a pink bow is in style Coquette If your outfit doesn't match at least three everyday looks on your phone, close your cart. Trends fade, but a well-curated base stays with you forever.

The 80/20 Formula: How to Mix Clothing Styles Without Mistakes

Have you ever wondered why an outfit that looks stunning on a mannequin in a boutique window or on Pinterest often looks like a carnival costume in real life? The problem isn't your figure or the price of the items (even if it's a designer jacket for €300). The error lies in the imbalance of proportions. Analyzing the statistics of hundreds of my readers' digital wardrobes, I've discovered a pattern: the most stylish looks are always built on a carefully calibrated mathematical imbalance.

In modern styling, there's a golden rule of combination: 80% of your wardrobe (or a specific outfit) should be your basic style, and the remaining 20% should be your accent. Imagine your functional core as straightforward smart casual. If you pair tailored pleated trousers and a simple shirt with a grunge-inspired, distressed biker jacket with chunky hardware, you'll create a sophisticated, eye-catching look. You stay within your comfort zone, but you're no longer "boring." But shift the proportions to 50/50—wearing a biker jacket, ripped jeans, and a tailored shirt—and visual chaos ensues, as the pieces begin to compete for dominance.

To ensure this formula works flawlessly, I always teach the rule of "clashing textures." Fabrics of the same weight make a look flat and uninteresting. The art lies in contrasts: boldly combine flowing silk and coarse wool, delicate translucent lace and crisp vintage denim, smooth matte leather and fluffy cashmere.

"In visual merchandising, this technique is called tactile dissonance. Smooth surfaces reflect light, while fuzzy surfaces absorb it. The difference in textures makes the viewer's eye linger on your image longer, creating the illusion of luxury even with the most minimalist cut."

Another powerful, yet rarely discussed, technique is the principle of temperature contrast. This isn't about the weather forecast, but rather the "psychological temperature" of the clothing itself. Strict, structured, and form-fitting garments (men's tailored suits, rigid tote bags, classic pumps) are perceived by our brains as "cold." They convey distance and status. Relaxed, soft, and flowing shapes (oversized sweaters, knit palazzo pants, suede hobo bags) are perceived as "warm" and cozy.

If you create an outfit entirely from "cool" pieces, you risk appearing too stern and unapproachable. Add a basic cotton T-shirt and suede sneakers to the perfect tailored suit, and you'll instantly balance the "temperature," showing you're a professional who doesn't take yourself too seriously.

Finding it hard to keep this complex arithmetic in your head? Don't try to assemble bows on the run. For safe experiments, I use the "smart wardrobe" feature in MioLook. Simply upload photos of your items to the look builder, and you'll clearly see whether the accents are outweighing your basics before you even open the closet door.

Workshop: Analyzing the image right now

To make sure this theory doesn't just remain text, let's do a quick style audit. Go to the mirror (or lay out what you plan to wear tomorrow on your bed) and dissect your outfit according to my instructions:

1. Define the core (80%): Find the most prominent elements of the outfit. For example, straight-leg blue jeans for €50 and a simple gray jumper. What style do they belong to? It's pure casual. They set the tone.
2. Find the accent (20%): What detail stands out from this basic utility? If you're wearing white sneakers, there's no accent; the look is 100% basic. Replace them with Mary Janes (romantic) or Cossack boots with a slanted heel (boho/country). There you have it—your 20% hook.
3. Check the textures and temperature: Consider the materials. If you're wearing only smooth cotton and basic leather, the look will look bland. Swap your smooth jumper for a chunky, textured cardigan. You'll contrast smooth denim with chunky wool, adding just the right amount of tactile contrast.

Just three steps take no more than two minutes, but they are the difference between an outfit we want to admire and clothes we put on simply to stay warm.

Technology at the Service of Style: How Digitalization Helps You Find Yourself

According to a large-scale McKinsey study (2024), the average consumer actively uses no more than 20% of their wardrobe, constantly assembling looks from the same tried-and-true combinations. Yet, if you open your closet right now and try to visually assess your style preferences, your brain will inevitably deceive you. Why does this happen? In consumer psychology, this phenomenon is called the "idealized self effect."

We tend to associate our taste with our fantasies rather than our daily routine. You can fondly sift through a capsule of five luxurious silk slip dresses, bought in a fit of inspiration for a hypothetical vacation, and sincerely believe that your foundation is refined romance. However, the harsh reality is that 300 days a year you don't get out of straight jeans, comfortable loafers, and a structured jacket. Trying to figure out for yourself which clothing styles for women If you decide that you're right for yourself based solely on what's on the shelves, you risk continuing to invest hundreds of euros in a wardrobe for an imaginary life.

This is where the ruthless yet healing power of data comes in – outfit tracking. It's a method of systematically recording every outfit you wear, based on the principles of financial accounting: you can't optimize your budget until you record every hidden expense. Frankly, for years I thought my style was boho, until I digitized my closet and realized I wore minimalist casual 28 days a month. That's when all my illusions were shattered by the cold, hard data.

Analytics provided by modern style management tools, such as the "smart wardrobe" feature in MioLook — literally opens your eyes to your true style DNA. You begin to clearly see mathematical patterns: which styles offer the lowest cost per item, which color schemes work in practice, and which items hang with the tags on for months.

Beyond rigorous auditing, the digital environment offers the perfect space for safe style maneuvers. The use of AI stylists and virtual fitting rooms is forever changing our approach to building a personal brand. Previously, to test out a bold, dramatic aesthetic or the complex geometry of avant-garde fashion, you had to risk your own money—ordering controversial, trendy items for €100–€250, which with an 80% chance of being shelved. Today, machine learning algorithms can analyze your appearance, taking into account your coloring and body structure, to predict how a bold leopard print or leather texture will look on you, even before you enter your credit card details.

Instead of a standard summary, I want to give you a concrete action plan for the coming weekend. Developing a personal style isn't a magical gift available to a select few, but the result of sound analysis. Take three simple steps today:

1. Take a photo of the 10 most wearable items Not the items you love visually, but the ones that most often end up in the laundry basket.
2. Upload them to your scheduler app Start putting them together on your smartphone screen—you'll be surprised at how many subtle combinations are hidden in this basic ten.
3. Capture real images for 14 days straight Simply mark the items you wear in your digital wardrobe every morning.

In two weeks, you'll have an objective snapshot of your real life. You'll stop guessing and trying to squeeze yourself into the rigid confines of other people's aesthetics on social media. Modern fashion isn't a dictate of trends, but an adaptive tool for self-expression, where technology finally allows us to be brutally honest with ourselves.